I have issues – changes needed

Posted: September 25, 2015 in Life!

From time to time, I get that wake-up call. My stubbornness requires a bag of bricks to hit my head before the sense is knocked in me. Over the last month, many issues have been brought to my attention as if an intervention was made.

I’m not exactly sure why God thought to put me through so much anguish and aggravation. Maybe I wouldn’t have heard him otherwise? Maybe I wouldn’t understand? But now I get it. After many many years, I realize that I’ve been the problem. It’s not easy to sleep once you’ve hit that revelation. It’s certainly not easy to fix. But, I am a devoted husband and father, or, at least, I think I am. Whatever needs done, I will do. It will take some drastic change, but if that is what is required of me, so be it. Maybe I will be a different person when this is all said and done. Maybe this is the change I need for the love to be given. Regardless, I pray that this is the right path.

So, to openly admit to the world will take some courage. I’m not really ready to admit my faults and weaknesses.

* I can be too goofy. When I was younger, most people close to me thought it was cute, adorable, and I made people smile. My wife fell in love with it, and my kids would always giggle at daddy. However, either I’ve lost my charm, getting too old (I’m almost 40 now), or just poor timing, but this doesn’t seem to be working for me anymore. I am more embarrassing than being embarrassed.

* I think about certain things too much. Can I be more vague? I doubt it. It’s very personal. I’ll just leave it at that and know that God is aware of my admittance, and will help me know how to do better.

* I am too cluttered. Yes, I keep alot of stuff. No, I’m not one of those hoarders you see on TV, but I do keep things either due to sentimental value, or with something in mind to be used later. I know now, that sentiments are rarely used and memories are a much better form of remembrance. Also, if I need something later, I’ll just buy it. No need to keep it around “just in case”. This will require a lot of willpower. And I will probably have to keep reviewing this in a monthly basis.

* Over the last few years (not really sure how long but could be up to 10 years) I’ve had my priorities mixed up. Certain things should have been done first over other things. Have you ever had the mistaken impression that what you thought you were doing was loving yet in hindsight you realize you were wrong? Possibly even causing more damage to your relationships? Yep. That happened to me. I must get things done as I said I would above all else. It’s in the bible. Everything else can wait unless it’s an emergency.

* Be selfless. I thought I was doing a decent job until certain things hit me (Again, thank you to the person who helped me see it. No doubt, you didn’t know, but God spoke through you), that I could be selfish at times. This is a very wide range. Being a husband, father, and Christian, I must serve my family and others first above my own needs and wants.

Just tonight I was told I’ve been unhappy for the last 6 months and that I needed to change. I honestly didn’t know that. No really. I’ve been happy, but maybe ignorance is bliss? Am I causing my own unhappiness that I didn’t know I even had?  Will making these changes will make me happy again?  Will it make others happy, which, in turn, will make me happy?  I thought it was others who were changing and stopped understanding or appreciating my personality, but that’s the first sign of denial, right? If others are saying it, it must be true. So, these are the changes I will be working on. It won’t be easy.

I would give my life for my wife and children.If I’m willing to do that, then making a few changes to my thinking and habits is the least I can do. They are everything to me.  I try to tell them and show them that every chance I get.  But, the above problems that I’ve admitted to, seem to drown them out.  I can see these changes in the near future will cause some heartache for those closest to me, but I’m hoping in the long run, it will make everyone happier with me and around me.

May God bless me on my changes and help me through this.


Comments are closed.