I am a ship at sea, happy and proud. A ship that thought it was going in the right direction. A ship that thought all the engines were purring, the shipmates were doing their job, and it’s captain was respected and perhaps loved. However, a light on the bank is shining. They are not going in the right direction. The ship turns but the engines fail. Engineman are working around the clock to get them running. In the mean time, the rocks are getting closer. If only I had seen the light sooner I could have raised an alarm.
The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks are now heard inside the ship. Sailors are questioning whether the captain is making good decisions. The captain himself is wondering why did the ship fail him. Is the light correct and guide me to port, or is it a horrible storm with lightning meant to shake me up and question themselves and their judgements.
Which light are you? Where are you? The ocean is getting restless and it seems the the ship doesn’t have much time. The only chance they have is to change out everything. Replace all the engines. Swap out the props. Check the navigation equipment. Change the rudder. Is it enough? Will the ship be saved or will it be lost to sea, forgotten. If I am saved, am I the same ship as before when I was first set to sea so many years ago?
Time is the only one who knows.
From time to time, I get that wake-up call. My stubbornness requires a bag of bricks to hit my head before the sense is knocked in me. Over the last month, many issues have been brought to my attention as if an intervention was made.
I’m not exactly sure why God thought to put me through so much anguish and aggravation. Maybe I wouldn’t have heard him otherwise? Maybe I wouldn’t understand? But now I get it. After many many years, I realize that I’ve been the problem. It’s not easy to sleep once you’ve hit that revelation. It’s certainly not easy to fix. But, I am a devoted husband and father, or, at least, I think I am. Whatever needs done, I will do. It will take some drastic change, but if that is what is required of me, so be it. Maybe I will be a different person when this is all said and done. Maybe this is the change I need for the love to be given. Regardless, I pray that this is the right path.
So, to openly admit to the world will take some courage. I’m not really ready to admit my faults and weaknesses.
* I can be too goofy. When I was younger, most people close to me thought it was cute, adorable, and I made people smile. My wife fell in love with it, and my kids would always giggle at daddy. However, either I’ve lost my charm, getting too old (I’m almost 40 now), or just poor timing, but this doesn’t seem to be working for me anymore. I am more embarrassing than being embarrassed.
* I think about certain things too much. Can I be more vague? I doubt it. It’s very personal. I’ll just leave it at that and know that God is aware of my admittance, and will help me know how to do better.
* I am too cluttered. Yes, I keep alot of stuff. No, I’m not one of those hoarders you see on TV, but I do keep things either due to sentimental value, or with something in mind to be used later. I know now, that sentiments are rarely used and memories are a much better form of remembrance. Also, if I need something later, I’ll just buy it. No need to keep it around “just in case”. This will require a lot of willpower. And I will probably have to keep reviewing this in a monthly basis.
* Over the last few years (not really sure how long but could be up to 10 years) I’ve had my priorities mixed up. Certain things should have been done first over other things. Have you ever had the mistaken impression that what you thought you were doing was loving yet in hindsight you realize you were wrong? Possibly even causing more damage to your relationships? Yep. That happened to me. I must get things done as I said I would above all else. It’s in the bible. Everything else can wait unless it’s an emergency.
* Be selfless. I thought I was doing a decent job until certain things hit me (Again, thank you to the person who helped me see it. No doubt, you didn’t know, but God spoke through you), that I could be selfish at times. This is a very wide range. Being a husband, father, and Christian, I must serve my family and others first above my own needs and wants.
Just tonight I was told I’ve been unhappy for the last 6 months and that I needed to change. I honestly didn’t know that. No really. I’ve been happy, but maybe ignorance is bliss? Am I causing my own unhappiness that I didn’t know I even had? Will making these changes will make me happy again? Will it make others happy, which, in turn, will make me happy? I thought it was others who were changing and stopped understanding or appreciating my personality, but that’s the first sign of denial, right? If others are saying it, it must be true. So, these are the changes I will be working on. It won’t be easy.
I would give my life for my wife and children.If I’m willing to do that, then making a few changes to my thinking and habits is the least I can do. They are everything to me. I try to tell them and show them that every chance I get. But, the above problems that I’ve admitted to, seem to drown them out. I can see these changes in the near future will cause some heartache for those closest to me, but I’m hoping in the long run, it will make everyone happier with me and around me.
May God bless me on my changes and help me through this.
To every husband that you see, more often than not, a wife is behind him making him successful and happy without getting any of the credit.
Is that a solid statistic? Not really. But, it’s more the truth around what I see and have. I wouldn’t be anywhere without my wife. She was the one to help at home while I worked on my career. She was the one to handle finances while I traveled. She was the one to take care of the kids. She listened to me during my hard days
What a blessed husband I am, to have such a loving, selfless, and beautiful wife. Thank you.
As my monthly travels continue to increase, there are so many things that I need to build upon. Mostly willpower. I don’t know about you, but my willpower lately, has sorely been lacking. When I say “lately”, what I really mean is “the last few years”. It’s horrible, and bad habits are hard to break. What are those habits you ask?
Tags: honor, marriage, wedding, wife
It never fails. Each time I attend a wedding, I feel a renewal of my own vows to my wife and to my marriage. As I sit there, appreciating the joining of two people in love under God, it is impossible for me to reflect on my own marriage. My beautiful wife, with her hair flowing in the wind, looks at me as I look at her. Passion and reflection pass between us through our eyes like large elegant ocean waves flowing invisibly between us. I take her hand, as she takes mine. We each give a gentle squeeze as we turn our attention back to the marriage ceremony at hand……
Was just sitting down to start working for the day, and saw my blog site up from last night’s posting. I figured it’s a good time to just post some thoughts.
As I sit here gathering my thoughts for the day, I soon realize how much work I still have left to do. One of the GFCI outlets in the kitchen still needs replacing, the weed-eater still needs to be cleaned out for the spring season, my kid’s car needs an oil change (which I tried to do last weekend, but the last oil change depot put the plug on with an impact wrench). Also, I’m about 2 weeks behind on my training videos, AND, the garage needs picked up.
Instead, I decided to sit down at my desk and write about all the things I need to do, instead of actually doing them. That’s procrastination and poor prioritization at it’s best, people. My answer? I’m teaching my kids what happens when you don’t prioritize and procrastinate. Yes, that’s it. It’s a learning lesson for them. I’m a good dad.
So, I’ll get my housework done first, and then, off to do more recordings:
Your heart beats with mine.
Together with loving synchronicity.
We are one. Your feelings are my feelings. Your emotions to my emotions.
To the touch, your soft skin is like touching a pearl glistening blanket, topped with velvet.
Your eyes have the depth of the blue oceans.
Your smile can warm even the coldest of days.
You are my light, shining down on my path, leading me away from poor choices and keeping me straight. During the hard challenges and stresses of my job, you are always there to listen and give sympathy. Like a fresh spring rain after weeks of heavy sun, you refresh me. Like a flower drying out, you water me to let me bloom.
I asked for you in my prayers, but had no idea God would give me someone so much more. Your beauty is radiant, and your heart glows. So many people see the strength in you, that you are just beginning to explore and use. Your success in your work proves your intelligence and hard work, but your success in your marriage proves your commitments and love.
How you do everything, is still a mystery I may never solve. But, I will continue to mold my ways and my heart to be a reflection of you.
Who are you? You are………. my wife.
Recently, a post showed up on my Twitter feed with this question:
I’ve never understood praying for the sick. Why ask the all powerful being who made them sick to reverse their decision?
Granted, this is probably coming from a non-believer, Atheist, or some other kind of belief, as a joke. But, seriously, I still think the question is valid that even some Christ-followers get hung up on. “Why does God make people sick or worse?”